Ban Page Three!

Only kidding. Who am I to tell you what you can and can’t look at, even if you are a hairy-arsed builder masturbating in a Portaloo? And who am I to dictate to a young woman what she can and cannot do for a living? If a woman wants to model topless, so be it, why shouldn’t she?

“What if that was your daughter though?” many cry in outraged hope and tutting judgement. Well, if it was my daughter and she was old enough to decide that she wants to model for a living, I don’t have to be happy about it but I do have to accept her choice. And I’d rather see her modelling with a huge and established organisation supplying Page Three than with a dodgy, pervy, next-step-is-porn, backstreet snapper. Did you know that many of the photographers for Page Three are female?

This whole thing is an excuse to talk freedom of speech. I don’t agree with Page Three and I never buy the Sun so don’t ever see Page Three either. However, if you ban that then I suppose it’s time also to ban naked men in calendars in HMV, or those bra adverts in Kay’s Catalogue. And cover up the window of Ann Summers with black plastic while you’re at it, lest a child inadvertently glimpse a dildo through the window, or some cheeky pants!

It all comes down to “won’t someone please think of the children?” A bunch of moral loud mouths trying to tell everyone else what is decent and what isn’t. A Ban Page Three petition won’t solve the wider problem of the objectification of women. It won’t even help. All it’ll do is publicise Page Three and make the petitioners look prudish. It’s only so you’ll look good and moral and “respectful of women”! Well you don’t. You look like you’re trying to tell women what they can do. You look like you’re trying to tell men what they’re allowed to see.

Yes, Page Three is archaic and pervy and unnecessary. Unless you remember when you, too, we’re fifteen and got your kicks by looking at it. (I refuse to believe that those signing the petition have never masturbated). I don’t agree with it, so I don’t buy the paper that prints it. It’s really that simple.

What isn’t simple is the much wider and much more delicate issue of the objectifying of women and other forms of sexist persecution. How about we try to tackle sex trafficking or female circumcision before we worry about the welfare of a young woman who has chosen – not was forced, but has chosen – to flash her boobs in the paper. This girl won’t die or get raped or find herself sold to someone who really will damage her. She’s just flashing her boobs. Shall we ban topless sunbathing too? Or is that your right as a woman?

This is just a rant. Nothing will be solved here.

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