Month: July 2013

“Thatcher Day” bill stopped after 87 seconds

A speech by Tory MP Peter Bone, aiming to introduce a national Margaret Thatcher Day in the UK, was stopped after just 87 seconds when everyone else present realised what a massive fool he was making of himself.

Mr Bone began by stating that “For years I’ve upheld a Mrs Thatcher (God rest her soul) Day all of my own, on her Birthday, where I offer thanks for her altruism in giving us all the opportunity to rake in so much bloody money, you know?” before clapping and guffawing like a Harry Enfield character for three minutes.

He then went on to say that “…Mrs T (Heaven bless her immortal memory) was like a mother to all of us who earn more than seven figures, own more than two houses and know our place in society (at the top), and…” before Labour MPs questioned the necessity, timing and cost of such a holiday.

Conservative eye witnesses described how “Peter Bone [who’s name sounds like two euphemisms for a willy, Ed.] was verbally and intellectually attacked” and how he was “not allowed to eloquently express his most evident love, affection and wealth by prefacing any actual planned implementations with a string of compliments aimed at her late Greatness”.

The incident, the latest anti-government attack of many recently, is being investigated by the “Independent Committee for Protecting Barely-Elected Hate-Merchants from Criticism and Disagreement”, which was set up in the wake of 2010’s disgusting Twitter hashtag campaign #VoteLabour. They have yet to report.

Full Story:


The King’s Handjob

I borrowed the first series of A Game Of Thrones from a friend recently and I have to say, after watching it all in two days, I’m not bowled over by it just yet. It seems to me that, if I was a real fantasy nut, it would appeal to me more. However, as it stands, I just don’t understand why EVERYONE seems to be raving about it.

It’s Merlin, as a friend has already observed, but with porn. It’s The Lord Of The Rings with less excitement and more boobs. And often unnecessary boobs at that! And I like boobs! There seems to be a clause in the contract that states that there needs to be at least two sex-scenes-cum(sorry)-expository-monologue per episode-where-nothing-else-happens, which is pretty much the middle six episodes.

Like many American TV shows it suffers from “a soggy middle”, the opening eps are fine as are the final two, but everything in between are… Just shagging and being sexist and stuff. And characters I like, who seem interesting, are killed suddenly (and not that “Woah! I didn’t expect THAT!” Kind of suddenly, either. More like a “we’ve too many characters and so must drop them; the author could’ve done with a better editor” kind of suddenly).

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed enough it as a series. The bits with the Khaleesi are great and Jon Snow’s scenes at the Wall are wonderful and the little Stark tomboy is awesome. But there’s a whiff of meaninglessness to the whole thing. I’m sure that the next few seasons will expand and develop the stories and the characters. I’m sure it gets better. Surely it must because I can’t see, from just this first ten episodes, what everyone is raving about.

All in all, I’m not overly impressed. I’ve got season two here, but I’m in no rush to watch it. I’m sure I will one day. Yes, I think I’m one of the minority who thinks that HBO’s A Game Of Thrones is over-written, over-acted, under-edited and (dare I?) a little bit dull. Sorry!