I’ve been blogging for years. At one point I was putting out two or three posts a day, maybe even more. Recently, however, I’ve suffered more and more from writers’ block. I don’t know what to write about most of the time and when I do know I don’t know how to say it. So much has happened over the past few months – both in my life and the wider world – that I really wanted to talk about but haven’t been able to get on the page. I’m not stupid; I know why this is.
Recently, as well as things going pretty well for me, things have been a bit tough. My contract at work was not renewed when it ended in March, although I was given no reason for this. The real reason is that I suffer from IBS and have terrible flare-ups every few years. January saw me suffering such a flare-up. My employer at the time saw me as at risk of continued absence (despite my only losing six days through my illness) and found themselves an excuse to get shot of me. But there we are! Nobody ever said life was fair.
And then, through the last few weeks of unemployment I’ve started suffering from increased anxiety – claustrophobia, loss of patience, panic attacks suddenly – which makes me feel like I’m a lesser being with no grasp on my own situation. I know this isn’t the case deep down – I’m a clever, nice bloke! – but anyone who’s been through these feelings know that at the time it feels like you’re the lowest of the low.
Luckily for me I have the perfect fiancee, some wonderful friends who I see far too little of (and this is my fault, I know) and some wonderful new friends found through my relatively new hobby; I’ve fallen in love with modern designer board games. These friends, family and hobbies have kept me afloat through some pretty dark days recently. I have nothing to give them but my gratitude forever. And maybe a pint in thanks.
So my plan going forward is this: to tackle this apathy, this writers’ block, this cloying anxiety I shall start blogging again properly, right here. This is where I’ll moan about the government, grizzle about religious bigots and rant about those dark corners of the world that niggle me enough to motivate me into tackling them in words. It’s annoying that I have so many different “blogs” around the net. My old Blogger account (and I think there’s a Tumblr or two too) are still there somewhere but, unless I start obsessively reviewing Doctor Who again when it starts in August I’ll mostly use this WordPress blog as my main outlet.
Sorry I’ve not had much to say recently; I actually have had a lot to say but no words to say it. I’m going to fix that starting today.