The Plan (Again)

So, here’s the plan. I love writing my blog. Even when I have nothing much to write about I always try to find something to write about. I know, I know: I’ve not done that for a long, long time. But that is why I’ve decided to form this plan – the details of which I am definitely getting to, I promise.

Richard Herring, one of my comedy heroes and all-round nice chap, writes a blog post for every day and has done for around a decade, give or take. It began as a means of beating writers’ block and has blossomed, for me personally, into that thing I read as soon as I get on the bus to work. I have always envied the way he makes even the most uninteresting, uneventful days unfathomably read-about-able.

So, yes. The plan! Here’s that plan: I’m going to do the best to write something every day, but I’m not holding myself to it. Sometimes I have nothing at all to say and sometimes I’m too busy to write anything. Most of the time, though, I’ve just got in from work and something funny must have happened. Right? Right. So you’ll have to make do with blog posts about those things. I don’t even care if you read it, actually. I just want to prove to myself that I can write every day. I need to do this for lots of reasons.

So today I’m just going to quickly tell you about ex-Radio 1 DJ Mike Read and his unimaginably misguided attempt at writing a support anthem for Nigel Farage and his party of disgusting human beings… He’s written a “UKIP Calypso” song and sung it in the worst Jamaican accent you can possibly imagine. I won’t link to it here for fear of pushing up its views, but if you really want to see it then it’s readily available on YouTube to view. Crack on!

One of my favourite lines is “We no’ need no EU banana…” during a couplet about the EU supposedly regulating the bend in bananas which they never did. It’s a master-class in racist meta-parody: the kind of song you’d expect from Spitting Image if it were on these days. The best satirists in the world would struggle to come up with something so perfectly apt for the support of UKIP. Although, of course, a master satirist would write something like this to take the piss out of UKIP not in actual support of them! Mike Read is either the greatest, most-successful secret satirist of all time or a fucking horrible bigot. It’s the latter, I’m afraid. Without question.

So there we are: a late night, insubstantial blog for today with the promise that you’ll be given more interesting fodder in days to come. Hopefully. Well, it’s a start, eh?

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