I don’t know what it is. I mean, the new year arrived like a dose of crabs – spent with beautiful people, having a lot of fun, but inevitably to be followed by frustration and worry. Our house is falling down (it’s not). We’ve got builders coming tomorrow to turn our leaky home into a dryer one. It’s pricey – much more that we can comfortably afford – but I’m well aware that we’re luckier than some. Most, even. Just a few weeks ago, Oop North, entire lives were washed away as Britain’s under-funded flood defences failed en masse. We’ve got damp walls, ugly-looking wet plasterwork and a paranoid headache. Some have literally nothing left.
I’ve also had earache for a week, an on-and-off cold since November and have been unable to sleep properly for ages. I can’t settle, eventually fall asleep through pure exhaustion, sleep for far too long and reluctantly wake up feeling as though I haven’t slept at all. I know this is all part and parcel of my normal “depression cycle” (which I don’t like talking about) and that pisses me off because I’ve been doing so well lately! The news that someone close to me is going through something similar, but without knowing the patterns, and that I can be of no help whatsoever makes me feel even shitter. Then I feel egotistical because it shouldn’t be about how I feel, then I feel worse still.
And to top it all off – though, to be honest, I should have seen this one looming – the fucking Tories are getting worse and worse. Their puppet media is hacking deeper and deeper at Jeremy Corbyn (the first man to walk into Parliament with honest intentions since Guy Fawkes) like a Haitian child soldier ordered to kill or be killed. And it’s all becoming very hopeless. Most people literally couldn’t give a shit what happens “in politics” anymore, but there are some who are getting wise to the Tories’ dirty tricks. Some are beginning to speak out because there’s so much Tory water under the bridge now that it’s starting to pour into people’s living rooms. That’ll be the underfunded flood defences again, Dave.
But the Word of the Day from now on has to be “Relax”. I have to “take each day as it comes”, “keep fighting the good fight” and “take the rough with the smooth”. I have to concentrate on how lucky I am. I have to be thankful for all I’ve got. A perfect wife, an amazing dog. I have family and friends who love me, even though I haven’t seen them much for a few weeks*. A house and a car and a job (regardless of how wonky they all are at the moment). If I remain positive, things’ll be fine. I’m not an idiot. I know how good I’ve got it. It’s just nice to have a moan now and again, isn’t it? And since this is my website I can do that here. Like that. You didn’t have to read it. So thanks if you did.
*Quiet thanks must also go to “KosmicKris” for unknowingly yet consistently offering
a flickering candle of optimism in a sometimes-sea of gloom,
just by being his cheerful self on Twitter.