For whatever reason I have lost all control of my sleep. I used to be the type to stay awake until silly o’clock in the morning and then lie in when I could. During the first lockdown, with my anxiety worsening greatly, this all changed. I began getting ‘early nights’ – something previously unheard of.
Now, in what they are calling the third lockdown – though a glance out of the window will tell you how seriously it’s being taken, thanks to a complete lack of trust in Government – I tend so sleep in chunks. I’ll drop off around 9 or 10pm, wake around 3am, grab a drink of water, drop off again (if I’m lucky) and wake once more around 5am. Then, feeling as though I hadn’t slept at all, I bumble around until a nap takes me.
This morning – it’s 4:45am – I am there again. Awake and exhausted. Unable to settle due to anxiety, overthinking and a restless sense of frustration knowing this means more or less another written off day. But, a Dr Who audiobook and a dark room should help me drift. Who knows? Maybe I’ll sleep again before I get up, wander about, and give up as usual.
I’ve ordered some CBD oil to see if it helps me sleep and relax like it does for others I know. Time will tell.